This week is my birthday. I’ll be 77 on Tuesday the 11th. It’s hard to believe I am this old. No one told me it would feel like this. I thought I would feel dignified and mature when I got to this point. But I feel just like myself. I feel 40-ish (that’s how old I was when I started feeling like an adult). But in other ways, I still feel like a kid.
I feel the same…a little bit child, mostly adult, but not old. I’m still growing up all the time. I feel like God and I have been walking hand in hand through life together through many ups and downs.
The parts of me that get excited over fun things, laugh over silliness, gets hurt feelings? These are all the kid. The adult? This is the person who has learned how to forgive weaknesses in others and in herself, the one who has learned to adjust to the realities of life, to roll with the punches of life, the one who has learned to persevere through hard times, and laugh at herself, and most of all, to trust in God in the middle of hard times,. I have learned that not only is God in charge of the timing of our hard times but He is also sovereign over what happens and is with us through all that happens as well.
I still have my sense of humor, thanks to Ron and others I try to surround myself with. This past weekend, my oldest daughter and her family visited. It was fun to see them and have 2 of my 3 kids here. We are rarely able to get all 3 together at once. There are too many kids’ schedules to work around as well as parents’ work schedules too. This past week two of my daughters celebrated their birthdays. One is with her family and some friends out of town. She turned 50. The rest of us were here. Ron turned 85 about a month ago and my oldest daughter has her birthday in June and will be 52. We are becoming an older family. I would love to see all my grandchild grow up to marry, but probably won’t live that long. The youngest grandchild is in 5th grade.
I’m a little more tired than I once was. That’s how I know I’m getting old.
I am finding it to be more tiring to be this age. I’m not sure all the reasons, Some may have to do with caring for Ron. I don’t think I do a lot of extra things for him, but I do have to watch out for him and make sure his medications are ready. I also need to be sure he gets up before the day is too far gone and that he does eat. If he seems off in any way, I need to figure out if he is getting sick or if it is something transient that is not illness. I need to be “on” all the time to be sure he is safe. And I guess that is tiring. At this point, I don’t have to do any heavy work to care for him. I am thankful that day hasn’t come yet.
I’m trusting God to guide me in the years ahead when I won’t be with Ron anymore.
So, for the year to come? I will learn to trust God for the challenges it brings. It doesn’t help to worry about what might come. I could get myself into a frenzy doing that. I do know that He is carrying me through whatever I will face in the coming years. Thank you Jesus.
…you whom I have upheld since your birth,
and have carried since you were born.
Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:3b-4 ESV