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Over time, i have discovered fear in odd places i have found it in the strident sound of my voice as i talk with my husband. and realize i am more fearful than my angry sounding words indicate. i am afraid he will not love me if i express the truth of how i feel. or he will not be happy if i express my true wishes. this has no basis in fact! or when my children were younger, fear was often found in the angry words i spoke as i panicked. i was afraid they would turn into people who didn’t care about GOD good character, a work ethic or being responsible. when i was ignored as i tried to train them, my panic knew no bounds! honestly. if i could talk to my younger self, i would say stop
“trust GOD to work salvation out in your child just as He has been doing it in yours.”
i would not just sit on my tuffet, but i wouldn’t allow the fear and panic to take over. i would remember how big GOD is how vast, how sovereign. He is way larger than any individual goof i make on a specific day. or any sin or failure I make against my child. or for that matter, any failure of theirs. He and my church community are bigger than that. no, i can’t take my sin or failure lightly. but feeling intense and perfectionistic about it will only hurt my family and my relationships. fear is often at the heart of anger, struggles in relationships, difficulties with raising children… to name a few. a large fear for many of us…including me, is fear of man…and woman! we fear what they think of us. it is a huge bondage. sadly, we fear man more than GOD. it gets us in all kinds of trouble!
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. II Timothy 1:6-7
When you see fear in your life, ask GOD to show you where it is coming from. Confess it. It is not from Him as this verse suggests. Then move forward in faith toward the future…trusting GOD to provide what you need in terms of resources…financial, emotional, spiritual and mental.
Yes! These are real fears we all face and react to. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more from you!
I’m visiting from http://katemotaung.com #FMF. Enjoy your day!
thanks for stopping by thasia:) (auto correct tried to change your name to “this”…how boring would that be!:)
i’m glad you found your visit enjoyable and want to return. will you be coming to the retreat in august? it would be fun to meet in person:) blessings as you go through your week.
I have been recognizing fear when I least expect it also. I expect it with my kids. Talking through it with friends and through prayer helps. But my fear has been in perceived unexpected loss. My mom got cancer this year and I had to confess aloud to group of friends that I was experiencing fear. There is healing just in the confession and the reality of it forces me to take that before the Lord. My pastor is in the hospital awaiting triple bypass surgery. I find myself afraid of losing the spiritual covering he is over our church body. Just when I thought I surrendered my fears, the Lord reminds me this life is temporary and how much I long for eternity with Him. Thank you for your words. Talking about these deep fears helps and avoids those angry outbursts that explode when we keep fear inside too long. Blessings! Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart
thanks so much for stopping by rachael. you expressed well many of the helpful ways to help our fears. as you said, i find many of those same fears hitting me when someone goes in for heart surgery that i love, or has a health issue that i know much about. (i’m a nurse.) the one thing i do NOT do is share my horror stories. if i think the person is unaware of a health issue that i observe, i ask them questions to encourage them to check it out at the doctor. but i try NOT to share horror stories. these days there are enough of those on the internet…many of which are exaggerated!
i have also had friends that were naturally fearful that learned to pray out their fears. as the fear came to them, they used it as a prompt to pray…for a person, situation, health issue, etc. back in the days when we didn’t have the communication we have now, it wasn’t easy to find out what was happening when a person came to mind. even now, i have peoples’ name come to mind that i haven’t tho’t of in years and have no idea where they are. making some time to stop and pray for them is a much better use of time than going into the downward worry spiral that helps no one! it calms me and i know GOD is dealing with whatever the problem is.
Oh Martha, I also struggle with fears that my kids will turn away from the Lord or make poor decisions! But I’m choosing faith over fear, as Elizabeth said in her Five Minute Friday post. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that fear is often behind angry and struggles.
so glad you stopped by betsy:) i don’t think i’m unusual in my realization that it was sitting there. i often felt so guilty for getting angry at my kids and others. but it never seemed to help to just feel guilty about it or even to apologize:( anger tended to be more of a symptom than the issue itself. obviously, cleaning up the mess after getting angry has to be done for sure. but if we don’t deal with the fear and whatever else is at the root of our anger…pain, loss, hurt…whatever, we will not be dealing with it.
this is especially true when discussing issues with parents who have hurt us, children who have hurt us, even spouses, as well as others. sometimes we christians think we are supposed to be tough and strong and we don’t deal with things in a healthy way. we are walking through life bleeding from all the injuries. everyone can see it except us. anger is one of the normal responses to that kind of injury.
by the grace of GOD, we can forgive, but we need to go through the process…as i’m sure you know well.
I also struggle with the fear of what others will think of me if I give voice to my true opinions. Why do I do this to myself? You’re totally right! It’s not the Truth. Thanks so much for sharing.
Blessings, Elizabeth
@Blessed Beyond the Mess
thanks for stopping by elizabeth. i enjoyed reading your blog:) we live in huntsville, AL where a lot of military/retired military live and often do contract work at the arsenal. we have only been here 2 years…to be closer to one of our children/grands.
we have friends who are in that boat who have lived all over the place with the army. it is interesting to hear about their life. they still have one daughter finishing high school but are constantly visiting friends all over the country:)
believing the truth? it takes stopping and thinking about it for a few minutes doesn’t it? what is the truth? in Christ, i am not longer condemned because He paid for all my sin on the cross…all of it! now i am clothed in His righteousness. legally, i am righteous.
but i still sin. it is a little like the difference between having had a shower but having dirtied my hands and needing to wash them. the sin is forgiven by Christ in a legal sense, but i need to repent for my sake and for the sake of those i have offended and go to them in order to correct relationships with GOD and man.
in the process, i am humbled, broken, learn to love people i never tho’t i could, and receive the gift of faith taking the place of fear in those dark, hidden corners of my heart. the big picture is exciting as i look back, but the process can seem very mundane and slow…and often non-productive while we are moving through it.
now, at age 69, i talk with friends and we marvel at what GOD has done in our lives. not that we are so awesome, but we are even more aware of our brokenness now than we were when we were young and we are amazed at how He cared for us over the years…as well as our children and spouses!
sorry, pardon the rambling! i may have to write another post:)
Hi Martha. I so appreciate your wisdom. I have started to recognise the fear behind the anger, behind the screechiness of my tone with my kids. I am trying to acknowledge the fears to God and lay them down to Him, so I can journey on with trust in my heart instead.
thanks for stopping by morag:) i don’t feel very wise. i guess that happens because i have learned from lots of failure…LOTS! when i finally figured it out, i felt like the person in the V8 commercial!
faith grows as we give our fear to GOD and turn from it. some fear is deeply ingrained in our thinking. it doesn’t change overnight. but GOD graciously works in changing our hearts and growing us in grace. thanks be to GOD!