photo credit: Ragesh Vasudevan via photopin cc
Dear Dad,
The years have ticked by since your sudden passing in 1973
About this time of year.
You were only 54.
Younger than I am now!
I had recently had our second daughter.
When I received the phone call that day
I was sure there was a mistake!
They meant grandpa, not you.
He was the one who was failing.
But shockingly, it was you who had died.
In your office. At your desk.
Of the kind of heart attack called a widowmaker.
The clot lands at one of those bifircations and it blocks the bloodflow to the heart
And the person is gone too fast for much intervention!
My world was rocked to the core.
It was then that I realized how close our connection truly was! STOP
I assumed that each of my siblings felt the same closeness I did toward you.
I didn’t realize that those early weeks of my life when my mom was hospitalized
Made a connection that was deep and close.
We had an understanding.
And during those years in Bolivia?
When Mom and Betsy were away and sick?
You and I were the ones who stayed behind and held the fort!
There have been so many times since your passing when
I would have given anything to be able to sit and have one more conversation.
Tie up loose ends. Say one final “Good-bye”
But it wasn’t meant to be.
The pain of your loss pushed me to Christ
in ways I never would have known otherwise.
I miss most that you didn’t get to know my kids as they grew into adults.
You would have enjoyed them so much!
Your easy laugh. Your conviviality.
Your enjoyment of the outdoors….and coffee!
Your nervous energy. Your chewed nails. Your long stride.
It was always fun walking next to you!
I loved that you and Mom loved each other.
I was glad to be your daughter.
From my perspective, your life ended way too early.
But GOD knew better.
I’ll be glad to understand His perspective one day.
With all my love….
I can’t imagine. Wish I could have known him, too!
Beautiful words and a thought filled tribute to your Dad <3.
thanks donna. someday, i’ll do one of those in 5 minutes. i think it has happened about twice in all the years i’ve done it.
it’s like the 5 minutes opens the door and suddenly…whoosh! out pours all this stuff. often it is something i didn’t even know was sitting there.
Beautiful letter to your dad! I lost my mom early and though it was after a long illness, there’s still so much I’d like to say, so much I wish she was here to see. Grateful we have a God who walks these life’s journeys with us and carries us through.
so true kathryn. so weird how some years the memory seems more acute than others…the hole seems more gaping. other years, life is busier and fuller. the loss isn’t as painful.
without GOD’s presence? i can’t even imagine it.
This is just beautiful, what a wonderful relationship you had with your Dad, what a blessing for both of you. Thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings
thank you terri. re my dad, i would say we had a good relationship but far from perfect. there were lots of loose ends that a good-bye would have helped resolve. of course, i never had the good-bye. that is something that hounded me and ate at me for a very long time. it was the topic of many a dream as well. i had finally come to peace with it, but it did not happen in 5 minutes or even a year! grief is a difficult path to walk…very unpredictable for sure!
yet even in that hard place, GOD’s grace is present!