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A few months ago, while I was in the middle of writing my recent series A Testimony of God’s Grace, I came to a very low point. It had been quite awhile since I was that down. Everything looked very dark. I found a counselor to help me out. I think it was about August, maybe even July.

I knew the things I needed to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Obviously, there are normal reasons for me to be grieving as is true for many of you. It is unreasonable for us to think we will be happy all the time…even if we are Christians. But there are things we can do to mitigate the extreme problems that result from grief. Everything that happened around me hit me the wrong way. I was sad, but could not cry. The words of Psalmist came to haunt me where he spoke about “his tears drying up.” (But do you think I was able to find the Bible passage?!) Yes, I was sad. But too sad to cry! The tears had all dried up.

What do we need to do to help us live healthy in the middle of grief?

• Keep active. Walk as much as possible wherever you go. Play tricks on yourself to get yourself to get yourself to walk more such as parking further from the store than you have to, using stairs instead of elevators (within reason) Participate in some kind of cardio excercise group.  (swimming, aerobics, dance, you name it.)
• Eat healthy. Keep sugar intake low..This includes limited artificial sweeteners. No or very rare sodas. Even diet sodas are awful for you. The adjustment may be difficult, but you will start feeling healthier. Eat healthy vegetables, meats, and limited fruits. When making this kind of change, prepare yourself mentally for it. You may need to make the changes incrementally in order to be successful.
• Make time to do fun activities for yourself. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with caregiving, sadness, responsibility, etc. that you forget to do fun things. Make time to get out to have lunch with friends, go to an art museum, learn a new skill, take a class for fun, or in some way open yourself up to meet new people and new experiences.
• Make time to journal about your grief and/or your life. Remember the joys and the sadnesses. It will be helpful to remember both. The joys give perspective on the grief. They can remind you of what you lost for sure, but can also remind you of the treasure you had that some people never have. It is a double-edged sword. I have found that journaling about my grief in bits and pieces has been helpful. A little bit on a nearly daily basis has given me a picture of what I am experiencing as well as what I have lost and am grieving. Sometimes, I think I am being overly dramatic about my grief because  there are others in worse situations. But that doesn’t negate my grief or loss. It doesn’t lessen what my experience is. I am still experiencing grief and need to find a way to deal with it even though I may not be dealing well with it..
• Maintain community even if my feelings make me want to crawl into a cave. Whatever community I have, church, neighborhood, work, mixed, I need to stay active in that community to some degree as I grieve. These are my friends. They love me and want to help encourage me during my hard time.

Now I have done many of these things.

I have gone for counseling. I have gotten more active and am eating healthier. In fact, I have lost a few pounds as a side benefit to getting more fit. It feels good. But more than that, I feel better and have a more hopeful outlook. It is easy to allow doctor appointments and medical issues run my life. This includes the medical issues of both Ron’s and my life.

One key appointment was changed that involved an important report I was waiting for. I was going to wait to make plans for Christmas after we got that report. Now, with the delay, we will have to make our plans for Christmas and work around them instead of the other way around. I realized I need to do more of that. I tend to be mentally held hostage to these appointments, partly because I want to get procedures over with. But instead, we need to move along with our lives and let the medical issues fall between the cracks where they belong.

As part of my counseling, I have been writing almost daily  about my grief and it’s effect on me and my life. It has been helpful to write about it in small doses. But it was also helpful as I read 2 weeks of writings to my counselor. Each day was a small bite. But 2 weeks of it was quite a dose!

I’m starting to reach out to people around me in this independent living residence to encourage them as I can in small ways. I’m not responsible for everyone. I just do what I can, when I can. That’s all God expects of me. I’m eating way less sugar. I’m even in a Pilates class! I’m having fun. Sometimes, I help with craft classes here. That is fun too! It is a way of offering encouragement to people who think they can’t do anything or can’t learn new things anymore.

We have a mix of life in our community and life outside at church and in our Grace group at church. My spirit has lifted thanks to God’s work, but with the ongoing grief, I don’t doubt that there may be more times when the grief hits again.

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
my eye is wasted from grief;
my soul and my body also.
For my life is spent with sorrow,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity,
and my bones waste away.

But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in your hand;
rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!
Make your face shine on your servant;
save me in your steadfast love!
O Lord, let me not be put to shame,
for I call upon you;
let the wicked be put to shame;
let them go silently to Sheol.

Psalm 31:9-10, 14-17 ESV