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April 2015 our lives changed!

One night in late April of 2015, I woke up to go to the bathroom. Ron was there, so I went to the other bathroom. When Ron was still not out of the bathroom when I returned, I went to check on him. He seemed befuddled. I asked him what the problem was. He said he couldn’t get his pants tied. As I looked at him, I realized his Left arm wasn’t working right. I immediately checked him for a stroke. His hand grasps were weaker on the left side and the strength in his left leg was weaker too. I made him smile and the left side of his face was droopier too. He stuck out his tongue and it deviated to one side. I told him I thought he was having a stroke. Since his mouth was involved, I kept him without food because it was possible his swallowing muscles were involved. It was 3AM. I called our daughter.

Normally, I recommend you should call 9-11. But in this instance, with no traffic, I felt we would get to the ER before an ambulance would get to our house. So Holly came over and we got Ron to the car. She was less than 5 minutes away. I got dressed, got his medical information ready, (ID, Health insurance cards, list of medications and doses-I have them in my phone). I also got a bag for me that included a jacket to keep me warm in the hospital, charging cables for phone and computer, other items to keep me comfortable while waiting with him as well as my being able to communicate with the outside world. I think I tossed in my comfy slippers too.

By then, Holly had arrived. I talked to Ron all the way there. We got to the ER. It was quiet. They whisked him in and immediately drew blood, started an IV and worked him up for a stroke. The doctor saw him and ordered a brain CT. They ordered it first because it shows a hemorrhagic bleed right away. My understanding is that it takes a few days for a clot to show on a CT. But a CT just takes a few minutes to do while an MRI takes a little longer.

I also learned that since I last saw Ron normal was about 10 PM the night before. That was hours before the required 5 hour limit required by the ER in order to use the clot buster medication. All was not lost however. They could also run the IV very fast to flood him with fluids since this wasn’t a brain hemorrhage and it would help undo much of the damage. After the CT, they did an MRI.  It showed there was definitely a stroke deep in his brain. He was alert and oriented. We knew he was going to be admitted so Holly went on to work.

It took awhile to get him admitted, however. They just had to find an empty bed. I think it was late afternoon before he got a bed. I stayed with him until the evening when I needed to go home to sleep. About the time I left, he was starting to throw up (very uncharacteristic). They thought it was under control when I left, but evidently it wasn’t. He had more trouble during the night. They gave him one medication he had a reaction to that made him a little crazy. I told them to call me if they had trouble at all. But no one called. I had a good rest. I returned in the morning to find a different person in the morning. I don’t know if he had another stroke or what, but he was rather out of it. As the day went on, he did better.

After a couple of days in the hospital, Ron spent 3 weeks in a Rehab Hospital.

Within a day or two, he was admitted across the street to a rehab hospital. That’s where his real work started. He knew who I was and always answered the orientation questions correctly. But when I watched him a few days after his admission to rehab as he worked on a puzzle, I was shocked. It was a 100 piece puzzle. He was unable to independently match any of the pieces. The therapist started helping him match, first the outside edges, then the inside ones. He was unable to do it. I was horrified to see how hard it was for him to do the puzzle. As I observed his speech therapy session, it was almost as disheartening. I began to see just how bad his stroke was even though his physical limitations were minor. I didn’t watch every day, nor was I encouraged to. By week 3, I came to observe again. The results were much more hopeful. In retrospect, I should have allowed myself to fall apart then and sob it out. But I didn’t. I waited to see what the final outcome was going to be in about 3 or 6 months. It’s as if I think there are a finite number of tears and I might use them up! It’s not true. It would have helped me if I had cried back then as well as along the way. It also would have helped if I had exercised more to get rid of all the bottled up stress. I knew I should. I was told I should. But all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and escape.

Ron was able to care for himself (ADL-Activities of Daily Living) which was very encouraging. They are such things as toileting, showering, dressing himself,  etc. But for safety reasons, I might need to be nearby in case he became light headed or weak. I had no idea what we were going to face when we came home. I did know that our healthy retirement years were over, at least for awhile.

Once he came home, we were going to outpatient rehab of a few types, Dr. visits and this was controlling our lives. Gradually, life started getting back to our new normal and he even was allowed to drive again to selected places. It was great. About the time we thought life was back to normal, BOOM. He had another stroke. It wasn’t as major as the first one, but it was a stroke. He was in the hospital a day or two. Then he was home again on a different blood thinner.

Over the next few years, he had 3 more strokes

For awhile, it seemed like he was having a stroke every spring. The third time, they did a lot more tests to be sure they hadn’t missed an underlying problem. His heart was fine. Any other problems seemed ok. Blood thinner was changed. We thought we were good to go. It wasn’t long before he had stroke #4. By then, his neurologist had moved away to take an out of town fellowship. The new neurologist did a blood test and found that his blood thinner didn’t work on him. (plavix) It doesn’t work on some people. That is the problem with some people and that blood thinner. His blood thinner was changed again and since then, he has not had another stroke. It has been a few years now.

The strokes have stopped, but the falls haven’t

That isn’t to say we haven’t been to the ER! He has had a few bad falls just to keep life from being dull. Once he fell flat on his face and broke his nose. Another time he was outside and fell. His glasses broke off and he was scraped all up. He was quite a mess! I felt so sorry for him. Still another time, he stood up from his chair and lost his balance, falling and hitting himself against the fireplace. That time, he broke some ribs. As calm as I try to stay at the time, I have flashbacks afterward. I can’t get around the fact that it is traumatic. Being a nurse doesn’t help that when it is your dear husband who is getting hurt and you can’t get to him fast enough to help.

We recently moved to a Retirement Community

We recently moved into an apartment in the Independent Living portion of a Retirement Community. They also have an on-site Assisted Care Community. Not far away is their Memory Care Community. There are benefits. For example, when Ron falls, i simply pull a string and someone calls me to see what help I need. They aren’t staffed to pick people up in Independent living, but they call 9-11. If needed, they will come to give emotional support while we wait. Usually I’m okay because I’m sitting there giving Ron emotional support until they arrive. They check his vital signs. Then decide if he needs to go to the ER. He rarely needs to go…so far.

We also get two meals a day and light housekeeping in our small apartment weekly. There are classes, groups, and games available each day to the degree we want to be involved. I can still drive so we also have “off-campus” activities available. We live down the street from our church in one direction and about the same distance from our daughter in the other. There are plenty of shops and stores nearby and doctors and our hospital isn’t far.

The fact that we are at the end of the line is not lost on us

The fact that living here is a testament to the fact that we are at the end of the line in terms of our life. We may live here a year or 10 years, but we are closing in on the end of our journey. I think about it often. I am preparing myself in those terms. There are days when it gets me down if I look at it from a human perspective, seeing this life ending and saying, “Good-bye.” to all the people I love.

But if I look at it from an eternal perspective, it is very hopeful. Eternity will be awesome. Being with Jesus will be wonderful. Heaven will be amazing when you thing of a place where God and all His attributes are. There will be love, joy, peace, gentleness, long-suffering, kindness, goodness for starters. There will be no evil or anything that came with sin’s curse.There will be health, genuineness (no hypocrisy), purity in everything including art, music, color.

Gardening will be a dream because there will be no weeds or pests. Can you imagine the gardens? There will be no rotting of flowers. I could go on, but there are so many things we assume about life here on earth that won’t even be a part of heaven. Relationships will be flawless.

The hope is that our families and friends will be joining us in heaven. There is just so much we can do to encourage them in that direction. We can pray for them, talk to them, love them appropriately. But in the end, they must in the end decide if they are going to choose for God and His ways.

Link to more information on choosing for God and heaven

Here is information on choosing for heaven and God’s ways.  

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant,
 equip you with everything good that you may do his will,
working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ,
to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 13:20-21 ESV