Photos by Canva.

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January of 1988 was the beginning of our years in Tyler, TX. Our girls went to the local public school. The older 2 were in high school: Robert E. Lee High School. Holly was in 5th grade. It was her last year of Elementary School and her school was a block away from our house. It was a cozy way for her to get adjusted to our new community. In fact, one of her first weeks of school was Camp Tyler. All the fifth graders had camp at nearby Lake Tyler overnight for the week. It was sort of a unit on all kinds of plants and animals that you could find in the woods and near the lake. It was a great way for her to get to know her new classmates in a more relaxed setting. She loved it. As an aside, she came home telling me how to set a table. I had been telling her for years how to set the table with the fork on the left and knife and spoon on the right she could never remember. There, they had a diagram for the kids so they could set the table for the group. It was pretty funny! Now she was telling me how to do it as if she had never heard the information.

There was definite culture shock for our older girls after living in south Florida. It was very international there. We had to persevere in an uncomfortable culture.

The older girls had a bit more culture shock after living in south FL which was not culturally southern at all. This school had only recently changed their mascot from the Confederate flag and being called the Rebels to now being called the Chargers or Cavaliers (I have forgotten now.)  Not everyone was happy about the change and on occasion kids would drive through the parking lot in their pick-up trucks waving confederate flags yelling all manner of things and stirring up trouble! By the time their first week was up, they came  home and said, “I think this place is racist!” They were pretty offended. Of course there was a lot of truth in what they thought, but they were smart enough not to say it loudly in public. After all, they wanted to have a few friends. They managed to find friends in a variety of groups of people.

It was discouraging for sure. They were ready to leave. But we couldn’t go back. We had no place to go back. When we first came, it was to a fairly ingrown church with many of the church members related to one another times 2 or 3 generations. If you have come somewhere to bring some change, that is a disheartening place to find yourself. We had some clues about this when we visited. But they had already had a church split and realized they needed some help. They knew they needed to make some changes. The question was to what degree and how rapidly? Ron wasn’t one to force people to change overnight. He just preached the Bible clearly and changed things without waving red flags when he did it. We just had to persevere. It was not a stoic perseverance. As time went on, we came to love the people in our church and cared for them as we got to know them. It was a perseverance that came from keeping on as we joined with God in ministering to these people who were just like us and needed Him.

As time went on, some families with kids the ages of our kids started attending and getting involved. As time went on, we had youth pastors. Some worked out better than others. One set was quite a disaster even though they seemed pretty good at first.

At this church, we were saying, “Good-bye” to our beloved children as they grew up and left the nest. We had to persevere without them.

During our first 5 years, we were saying good-bye to our older girls as they went off to college. Dawn left only a year and a half after we arrived. She loved her college. Two years later, Christy went to a different college and also loved it. They both made lifelong friends they continue to see to this day. Holly was still at home as our membership ebbed and flowed. It was fairly stable. The most unstable members were the families. They would come and stay a few years. Then one family would decide Ron was using the wrong version of the Bible and go to another church. In the end, you knew there was some other reason they left, but that was the reason they gave. Turns out the church they went to used the same version of the Bible! Why can’t people be more original and truthful in their reasons for leaving?

Another family would leave for this reason or that reason. Some made sense, some didn’t. But they all had their reasons. Some had job transfers and moved away. Of course, along the way, there were deaths as well. In 1995, Holly went to college. We now had an empty nest. Ron looked into other options as a pastor, but there really weren’t any. Most churches wanted a younger man. He was healthy. The church was doing ok. The appearance had changed quite a bit by now. It was no longer a church with about 3 families related to each other. Through death, church growth, and other factors, this was no longer something that was a factor. The church had changed over time in many positive ways.

We had to persevere through illness. But appreciated a helpful assistant pastor.

In the early 2000’s, we got a new assistant pastor who did a great job. They had 2 children when they arrived. It was good they arrived when they did, because I was about to go through 4 years of a mess with my epilepsy. shortly after Christy married in May 1999, I started having lots of seizures. I couldn’t drive (and wasn’t able to for 4 years). I was often in a fog with my medications being changed around. If they hadn’t been there to be kind, mature, helpful, and encouraging to the church, I’m not sure what would have happened. I was nearly useless. Ron was bewildered but was trying to carry on as if everything was normal…only it wasn’t. He had no idea if he was going to come home and find me on the floor having a seizure or having had one and being injured. Sometimes, that is what he did find. It was an awful time for us.

I’m sure it was worse for him because I was in such a fog that I wasn’t my normal alert self. I’m not sure how he got through it…apart from the grace of God. He did have a group of men he had a weekly breakfast/prayer time with and I think they were a big help to him. I think all of them are in heaven now.

I had some surgery to help the problem, only it really didn’t help much. But it did show that in the end, my trouble was hormonal…a question I had asked about when I first started seeing the specialist. It felt like the 4 years had been a huge waste of time.

Yes, I did learn a lot about my own personal pride during that time. I just would have liked to have been humbled in an easier way. Don’t you want to laugh when you read that? We all want to be humbled in easier ways! But being humbled is hard. I’m sure it took those 4 years of being dependent on others, not knowing if I would have a seizure, not being able to be independent, and not being able to work, to bring me down in ways that were good for me. I do hope I don’t have to go through that again, however. Ugh!

None of us enjoy the process of being humbled. It is miserable. It is difficult. We don’t want to go through it again. But we are grateful for what we learned by going through it, aren’t we? It makes us more tender toward others going through hard times. It makes us more thankful when life is good and particularly when we have good health.

Ron finally retired. He was still healthy.

By the time Ron was 65, he retired. We weren’t 100% thrilled about it, but that was an agreement he came to with the church leadership. We tried to plan for it, but my illness messed up those plans. I was just getting better when he turned 65. Some of the elders were thinking he losing it, brain wise. But he wasn’t. He was getting deaf and wouldn’t get a hearing aid. He would NOT allow me to tell anyone so my hands were tied. I was so frustrated. The symptoms of hearing loss can often be similar to early dementia if a person isn’t paying attention…and they weren’t. I confronted him. He wouldn’t budge.

I was so sad. He was too, but he didn’t want to stay somewhere that he wasn’t truly wanted. It would have been devisive to tell some of the people that some wanted him to leave because they loved him. So we didn’t say anything.

We looked into interim churches and found one just outside Peoria, IL in Hanna City, IL. But that is another chapter.

What did I learn after 16 years in TX?

• Wow! Too much to mention here. Those were the years our children were leaving the nest, marrying, having their babies, and finally, we retired. I learned that no matter how much you love ministry and the people you serve, it is difficult. I had 4 years of some very challenging health issues while we were there (in my 50’s) and I wondered if that was the way my life would always be. But, they found out the cause and I got better and mostly back to normal.
• I learned that God is good in the hard times and in the good. That He is with me when I often felt very alone. That I had some very good friends that cared for me and encouraged me when I needed it just like I had encouraged them during their hard times. I miss them a lot.
• I learned that God provides others to fill gaps when I fail or am unable to do what I would like to do. That doesn’t let me off the hook when I am disobedient, but it gives me hope when I can’t do what I would like to do.
• That God is always fulfilling His purposes to grow not only me, but those around me, for his glory. Sometimes, it feels lonely. Sometimes it feels wonderful. Much of the time, it is fairly mundane.
• I have also learned that my life has turned out to be way more interesting and exciting than I ever anticipated. Yes, there have been hard times. Everyone has them. But we have also had some really great and happy times too. Apart from our missionary service, we have been able to travel to some interesting places, go on a couple of cruises, see our children do some interesting things and overall have a very interesting life. I never would have anticipated it. It has really been wonderful.
• With each good-bye, there have been new hello’s. God teaches us new things along the way as we follow Him. Often it is very sad to say “Good-bye.” But God moves us to places where He can use us and even bring us comfort at the same time.

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.
Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

Psalm 25:8-10, 16-18 ESV