Photo: Canva

Click this link for the other days in the 31 DAYS OF CARE TAKING: ONE DAY AT A TIME.

One area I haven’t talked about much relates to giving and receiving of support. I realize that each relationship is different. Each of us thinks of support in different ways. For some, it can be a simple hug, for others, it means taking time to sit with a cup of coffee or tea to have a conversation, for others, it might simply be a smile.

So how do we support each other? How do we support the person we are caring for? Hopefully, we knew them well enough before they were sick that we had some insight into how to do that. But sickness changed some of that. Depending on the nature of their illness, we may not be able to support in the same ways as before…or they may not be able to receive that support in the same ways.

If she is one who receives support by conversation, you may need to make times to sit with your loved one to converse, even if it is one-sided. Having a five or ten-minute routine where you sit together with coffee or tea and you visit and tell them about what has been happening…in the family, the community, the world. She will enjoy the time and hearing the news. If you enjoy conversation, you will enjoy rehearsing the news even though you won’t get the feedback.

Don’t let busyness get in the way of showing affection and supporting your loved one

As a nurse, I’m not used to hugging my patients a lot. When caring for Ron, I often get into nurse mode and then remember, “Wait, this is Ron!” Then I hug him or kiss him after helping him sit up. For those of us who get too focused on the job, it’s important to remember the importance of giving support to the person you are caring for and learning what kind of support they want and need.

More recently, as Ron has been reading more, I try to make time to have him talk to me about what he is reading. He seems to remember what he is reading pretty well. I enjoy hearing about the books he is reading. I’m trying to make a point of talking to him about events I hear about.

Before, I was reading about things that happened on Facebook with friends we have known for years. But I forgot to tell him about them. Lately, I’m trying to make time to sit down with him and talk for about 10 or 15 minutes every so often to talk about what has been happening or what I have read recently on Facebook. He enjoys hearing that news. It keeps him connected to what is going on as well.

Today an old friend called. Not all her news was happy news, but we had a wonderful conversation. After, I went to talk to him for awhile about the conversation. I just laid on the bed and talked to him for awhile. It was great for him and me.

Sometimes, as we give support and help make connections for our loved one, we end up being encouraged and feeling hopeful. One day, I realized that while there are discouraging aspects to my situation, my husband is still here for me to talk to and hug.

So try to think of ways you can give the support your loved one needs in ways he can receive it. It will take some experimenting. This is one way your children or grandchildren can be helpful as well…if they are in your home or nearby.

You have given me the shield of your salvation,
    and your right hand supported me,
    and your gentleness made me great.

You gave a wide place for my steps under me,
    and my feet did not slip.

Psalm 18:35-36