photo: CCO public domain
Many years ago when I was in high school, boarding school, I lived thousands of miles from home. I was in North Carolina and my parents were in Costa Rica. There was no internet or texting. Any phone calls were extremely expensive. It had to be a major emergency for us to call home. Mail was all we had.
Each Sunday evening, our ticket to supper was a letter to home. I never thought of myself as a writer, but I think I learned creative writing back then. My personal belief system was that I thought that as a good christian child, it was my responsibility to not make waves for my parents. It was my job to “be good” and not cause them worry about me so they could go about their jobs of missionary-ing or christian school building or whatever they were doing at the time! (I didn’t say it was correct.) stop
I didn’t write home about bad news or about things I was struggling with. For one thing, it seemed like a waste of time! It would be weeks until I would hear back from home and the need for advice would be over and done with long before I heard back.
I didn't write home about bad news or about things I was struggling with. I didn't want my parents to worry. Share on XYears later, I realized that set a horrible precedent. In fact, it made me sad to think my own children would ever feel that way! That would be terrible. As a parent, I would want to know where they were struggling even if I could “only” pray for them.
Then I thought about how it affected other relationships and especially the one with my heavenly Father. I don’t like to tell him the really bad things about myself either. Of course, I know He knows the ugly truth about me…even better than I do!
But the benefit of saying the truth aloud to Him, is that I can also admit it to myself! Yes, I failed. Yes, I need GOD’s help in this specific area of my life. Or even Yes, I feel overwhelmed in these specific places and I need His help to get out of the overwhelming place! I may not even know the path to take to do it! He does. He can guide me. He will show me. I can be truly honest with Him.
But the benefit of saying the truth aloud to Him, is that I can also admit it to myself! Yes, I failed. Share on XYour areas of trouble with honesty may not be related to mail like mine were. Where are your problems with honesty with GOD?
Let us then with confidence
draw near to the throne of grace,
that we may receive mercy and find grace
to help in time of need.Hebrews 4:16 ESV
Martha, you’ve touched on one of the big lessons God’s been teaching me with my One Word, Authentic. Part of being authentic is being honest about the struggles and the ugly. Before this year, I didn’t even realize how much I didn’t tell God (and others) because I didn’t want to show my own “less-thans” for lack of a better way to share it. I’m probably going to blog on this at some point, but suffice it to say, I’m learning that authentic relationship can only happen and grow when we are real.
Loved your post, my friend.
so true jeanne. being real is not easy for sure!
So much truth here. It’s the same for journaling. I wish I had learned to journal long ago!
thanks for stopping by mandy. i’m sure journaling would be very helpful:)
Great post Martha!
thanks tara. hope you are doing ok.
Martha,
I think you’re spot on. As a parent I want to know when my kids are struggling. I want to be able to pray for specifics about them. What a great burden your carried in your youth. 🙁
I also see how that could greatly affect your prayer life. It does amazing things in us when we speak it to the Father.
for sure Christy:) amazing how so many bad habits and sins from childhood and younger days catch up with us over time or make it more difficult to grow during hard times.
“bad habits and sins from childhood and younger days catch up with us over time or make it more difficult to grow during hard times.” There’s a world of truth in that! I have often been struck by how the dysfunctional things I did in my growing up years to protect myself and escape from myself have to, in adulthood, be dealt with and jettisoned so the Spirit can work in me healthy ways of dealing with life and people.
you are so right Kay! and often i don’t see it for years! or if i do, i only see parts of the problem until i get hit time after time in different aspects of the problem. now i’m learning some new ways where i need GOD’s healing for sure!
Thanks fore the perspective. We need to tell the truth!
You have described an impulse that too often I slip into. I’m fine, I say when asked —
Years ago I heard a pastor define what “fine” meant, when we tell others who ask how we are — Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Exhausted. :-/
so true barbara! i became aware of this many years ago when i was going through some sever chronic pain. i learned a lot about that whole ball of wax. i was used to saying fine. when i started answering the question honestly, i found that not everyone wanted to hear the honest answer! their eyes would glaze over. but i discovered there were some who did…in every place i lived:) and who would give me the honest answer as well.
Great post, Martha…but I think you’re being harder on you-then than you need be. It takes a huge amount of maturity and compassion for a child to choose not to burden physically distant parents with her own troubles. I think it’s admirable.
thanks andrew. i do think i carried a massive amount of stress as a very young child. my adult years have been much happier and more carefree:) my husband has played a huge part in that! but the point i was making had to do with the toll it took on my ability to offload my problems onto Jesus. He is the One who can carry them and deal with them. at periods when we find we can’t always figure out how to organize our strategies for dealing with them, He will deal with the mess a step at a time in surprising ways. that has been the encouragement to me. no, i’m not losing weight overnite! but i don’t think He has that as the highest thing on the priority list for now.
Thankful we can be honest with our Creator. Your story captured my attention. I appreciate you sharing it, and how your writing began. You’ve inspired me to pour our my heart to Him! Thanks so much!
glad you stopped by julie:) thanks for your kind words.