photo: weekly snaps
This is from my series written last year called Getting Ready for Christmas on December 8, 2014. I thought you might need it today. I needed it a little. Blessings from my archives.
I woke up this morning (the day I wrote this)
With a dark cloud of gloom settling over my soul.
There was no logic that would blow it away.
It was thick and dark.
My logical words of how my life isn’t as bad as my feelings are telling me…
My Bible verses of perspective that tell me this is temporary…
All the things I normally do to move away from this sort of thing?
They don’t begin to penetrate it.
It is dark and stifles my joy during this happy season.
I think of happy days in the past.
Of people who are gone.
Of relationships I wish were closer…
Both relationally and geographically
So I could talk eye to eye, face to face.
And laugh over inside jokes…
And remember mutual friends.
And smile over children I have watched grow up
Who now have their own children.
But all I see is the gloom. The sadness. The negative. The dark funk.
And the fact that the scales show too many pounds gained.
And the mirror shows I haven’t exercised for a very long time!
And I’ve turned into a slug.
And for what?
There is nothing to show for this loss of control.
No workaholic project that is now done
So I can now go back to real life.
I am totally in a black hole!
How do I get out of this mess?
I have two rooms that I can’t face.
They must be dealt with since the move in May.
They are beyond my dealing.
Especially the one.
I can’t seem to get traction on it.
I am caught in a tunnel.
It is long and dark.
I can’t seem to get out.
I will have to find out if my medications are getting out of balance.
That is my hope for the moment.
That simply a medication is too high or low for now.
Then I will have to get healthier in the new year.
In almost every area of life!
P.S. GOD ministered His grace to me that day.
All I could do was pray and ask for His help.
All during that day were touches of his grace.
He sent me people, notes, messages of hope.
Nothing was huge or dramatic.
But I realized that as the day progressed,
The cloud was no longer as dark.
There were glimmers of light shining to bring joy.
Maybe not hilarity, but a deep settled joy.
And a realization that GOD is good!
Do you find yourself in a Christmas Funk during the season?
This was one of the few times I asked GOD for help.
Sometimes the gloom is too overwhelming to be able to do that!
I was touched and grateful that He gave me
small encouragements as the day went on.
Martha, thanks for sharing with transparency. Anytime a funk strikes, it’s hard to see beyond it. But when it’s at a time when we’re “supposed” to feel joyful? Guilt has a way of worming its way in too.
Last year, I went through the Christmas season weary. I got to the night of December 24th, and I was up late preparing things for Christmas Day. I was too tired to really enjoy the day, or celebrating Jesus, or laughing with my family. I determined I wasn’t going to get to that point this year.
I hope your Christmas season has been better this year.
it’s somewhat better this year, but we’re dealing with more health issues and aren’t traveling to seattle like we usually do. so far the funk isn’t as deep as usual. i’m more caught us than last year, but not as caught up as i want to be. basically, i need to read this post today too:) things are better overall than last year…in my head. blessings jeanne:)