graphic: Martha G. Brady

1. You and your husband set the tone for your role. Your primary job is to be his wife and mother to your children. You are not a twofer. It isn’t possible to be all things to the church AND to your family.

Be sure you both are on the same page on this. Be sure he communicates this clearly when he is hired at the church. The expectation for your involvement in the church should be what is expected of other wives of elders. He is the paid employee of the church, not you. Often your season of life will dictate your involvement more than your marriage to the pastor will.

2. Your job is not to fix people, but to point them to Jesus. He is the Author and Finisher of their faith, not you.                                     stop

3. You need to be genuine with the people in your church. Don’t be fake. That doesn’t mean tell them all the truth you know about everything, it  does mean to be appropriately open about yourself. Don’t pretend everything is fine if it isn’t. But it may not be appropriate to share all the details with every person.

4. You need to be sure your relationships with everyone are open and in good repair. You don’t want to be avoiding people in your church because you know you have something against them or they against you….which often adds unneeded stress to your life and is not the way GOD has called you to live. Holding grudges hurts you way more than person you hold a grudge against. I know from experience. You won’t have the same level of closeness to everyone, but you should be able to be on open terms with everyone. 

5. In choosing the places to minister in your church, choose the areas where GOD has gifted you. There is a reason why GOD has gifted you in a certain way. Because that is where He wants to use you for His glory. So plug in where you are gifted…humbly and with lots of love. Don’t compare yourself with someone else with different gifts. It doesn’t do you or them any good.

6. Sometimes we don’t know where we are gifted until we try out new areas of ministry. If we have a love/concern for a certain ministry or group that is getting missed, GOD may be pulling us in that direction. Try it out. Of course, it’s scary. But it is also a little exciting too!

7. If, in the course of your/your husband’s ministry, your children are getting lost, it is time to take a look at your priorities. You, the parents are responsible for them. You will both have to take a long hard look at the ways you are spending your time. How are you spending the free time you have? How are you engaged with your kids? How will you both need to change?

8. If you and your husband are getting lost from each other, it is time to get away and spend time with each other to remember why you got married in the first place. If you need outside help to begin talking to each other, get it sooner rather than later! Remember, after your relationship with GOD, your primary relationship as a couple, is with each other! The pastoral relationship is considerably lower on the list of priorities.

9. If you are getting cold, cynical and distant from GOD, stop what you are doing. Run, don’t walk into a quiet place. Turn off the phone. Open GOD’s Word and ask Him to speak to your heart. Write down what you learn from this exercise. There is no ministry, no activity, no need, absolutely no phone call, that needs to take priority over your relationship with GOD.

Running on empty doesn’t work for cars and it doesn’t work for people in their relationship to Jesus. We get all cynical, crusty, dry and cold. No one needs that, least of you, your family, your husband or your church…for starters.

10. When all else fails, remember the grace of GOD is for you too! You will fail. GOD forgives! It’s not cheap grace, it is grace borne of suffering…of meeting people where they are, in their mess, not after they are cleaned up!

I speak to myself when I write this down.

my PS?  Make sure you have friendships and interests outside your church.

Any additions?

I didn’t write this like a normal 5 Minute Friday. I tried. My 5 Minutes ran out fast as you can see. I had to finish my 10 points. It took awhile. I’m sorry. It got long and I had to correct some things.

FMF                                                           FF#81