photo: © Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com
How is that for a heretical question? Actually, I have discovered there are a lot of good things about anger…sort of, within some boundaries of course.
One of the good things about anger is the same as the good thing about pain, a large area of redness on your body, or a fever. They are symptoms of a bigger problem.
Just like these other problems, anger can be a symptom that causes us to get help for a bigger problem.
Just as pain, bleeding, or a large area of redness will send us to the doctor to find out the underlying problem, so anger should push us to find out what is at the root of the problem.
Yes, we like to think the problem is our kids or our spouse, or that really vague one–stress! But of course the problem is much deeper than that! Depending on the practices in our family of origin, our tendency is usually to go one of two ways with anger.
We either attack the other person with whom we are angry…or we run the other way and hide out, stuffing our anger in the process. Aspects of this latter way of handling anger are blaming, hiding out and even trying to pretend that we aren’t angry, and if we’re really good at stuffing our anger?
The result may be that we find ourselves suffering from physical symptoms and/or depression.
Why would we want to do that to ourselves?
Obviously, we’re not always conscious of what we’re doing at the time.
There are often some other things at play when we are angry. We have the sense that we are being disrespected…sometimes. How often, as parent of a teenager, or as a spouse, is something that is deeply meaningful about you stomped on, mistreated or patronized?
How do you feel when that happens?
No, I didn’t ask how should you feel, I asked how DO you feel? Honestly?
It feels bad doesn’t it. Yes, sometimes we do cry, but often, we get very angry, lividly angry! We defend ourselves and our choice. If we’re in a place where we think it’s somewhat safe, we let off the lid and out pours anger and venom! EEK! …or go inward and have a pity party with our drug of choice…and it isn’t always a literal drug.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesian 4:31-32
Before you get upset to be smacked with Scripture, stop like I have to often…too often, in fact. Think through/pray about what is happening. When we get overwhelmed with anger or its twin resentment, we need more than a stiff upper lip.
I love how this passage reminds us of things that need to be removed from our lives, but also things to add: kindness, tenderheartedness, and especially forgiveness. So we once again go to Jesus for forgiveness as His dearly loved children and ask for forgiveness for not only losing our temper, but whatever was the root cause of our loss of temper. The desire for honor, respect, comfort or ease. None of those are wrong in their place, but when they interfere with relationships? There can be a big problem.
Of course, it’s not something WE can do on our own. Once again, we must turn to Christ. We don’t have the resources on our own. But this verse gives an indication of the direction GOD will be moving us.
It won’t really be in the direction of introspection, self-justifiction, explosions or resentment. It will be in the direction of kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness…and moving toward a relationship with the other person, not away from them. That is what Christ came to do. Reconcile the world to Himself…and in so doing, reconcile us to one another as well.
May GOD grant us the grace we need to love and forgive one another,
as well as the courage to look at the deeper parts of our hearts that Jesus died to redeem.
He is the One who can forgive us and bring the needed change to our hearts.
First written 3/10/13. Reposted 8/6/13
Hi Martha,
I’ve been exploring the subject of respect. Yesterday, I felt disrespected by someone (unexpectedly). I felt hurt and angry at the same time. Luckily, I was tired and it was late so I didn’t say anything. I just went home. I thought about what went wrong and realized that the person was rude. She’s not usually rude. That doesn’t excuse her behavior. But at least, I didn’t make it worse. Next time I see her, I’ll talk to her about it. I’ll figure out what to do after that. Hopefully, it was just a bad mood. No one likes to be disrespected.
hi cheryl,
i think the important emphasis when we are talking about respect, is on our respect toward others. that is the area we can control. as we learn to respect others, something that does not come at all naturally, in our attitudes and actions, the attitudes of others will often resolve themselves.
when they don’t, our changed attitudes will help us resolve our issues with them. i don’t think it is our job to police the attitudes of others who don’t respect us, or don’t seem to respect us. with friends who have a bad day, hopefully we can love them enough to forgive them and move on…as they probably do with us.
I’m stopping by from Fellowship Fridays. 🙂 I wrote a bit about anger this week, too. The section about anger being a symptom is spot on. I often use the words “frustrated” or “stressed” as a substitute for saying I’m angry, but they tell of a deeper, root problem as well. Usually it has much to do with too little time spent abiding in Him. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
thanks for dropping by jen. while i think time with GOD can help us get perspective on life, I think we do often forget the state of our hearts: naturally evil. not fun to think about but that is why Jesus had to die. the penalty for our sin is paid for sure and b/c of Jesus’ death we are now dressed in His righteousness…not our own. we still have our naturally evil hearts but the holy spirit brings life to our spirits so we are able to do good. we don’t always do it, but we now have the ability to do it.
Amen to that! I had a good reminder this week of just how human and sinful I can be. Thank goodness for the cross! 🙂
seems those reminders tend to pop up often don’t they? without the cross, we would be lost wouldn’t we jen?
I like this post… I just wrote something about anger in my own blog… seems to be the theme this month 🙂 .. anger is GOOD as long as it serves a purpose to heal ourselves.. not to hurt others..
thanks karen, glad you enjoyed it. i think a discussion of anger is rather timeless isn’t it?
Right on the money! Insightful, convicting, encouraging, challenging, pointing us to Christ.
thanks honey:) it was convicting to me as well!