Photos by Canva
Over the next few weeks, I plan to share pieces of my testimony with you. Well, it’s not simply the testimony as we used to use the term related to how I became a Christian. But it a testimony of how God has graciously worked in my life over nearly 80 years. I especially think of it when I have have a birthday and my recent one has put me only 2 years away from 80! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get the whole series written down and in order before I posted it, so it will be out of chronological order as I write it. I hope you will forgive me that.
Click here for other posts in this series.
I’ll start at the beginning. I was born into a Christian home. My parents became missionaries to Bolivia when I was 14 months old and my baby sister Betsy was 2 months old. When I was about 18 months old I was attacked by a dog (in the face) who was owned by fellow missionaries.
Even in the middle of this bad experience, God’s grace was there for me protecting me from disease and horrible disfigurement. Yes, I have scars, but not huge scars like you might expect.
My dad was able to use tape to hold the cuts together but i’m not certain I was given antibiotics. He may have given me a penicillin shot. At any rate, the wound never got infected and the dog didn’t have rabies. (He had been teased and mistreated a lot by the family.) They refused to put the dog down. They said God would take care of it. As it happened, He did. A week later, the dog was hit by a bus and killed.
There were other events that were less dramatic than this that exemplified the very non-supportive missionary environment my parents worked under. With small children, many health issues of her own and my sister, and a high altitude to deal with, it became too much for my mother. We returned from Bolivia when I was 4 with a 3 year old sister, 1 year old brother and a sick mother. Unlike my brother and sister, I have some memories of our years in Bolivia that are like snapshots, but in movie form.
My father pastored a small country church in New York state where we lived and at age 5 I started kindergarten. I learned later that the church provided a place for us to live and a garden, but no salary. My grandparents in nearby NJ were on hand when things became too much for my mom and we would go there for a week or two to give her a break. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Unlike many who have grown up in the church, I still remember when I asked Christ into my life. I was a very sensitive child and aware of the fact that I was sinful and did not measure up to God’s holy standard. I had been having dreams about dying and going to hell and it was scary. Our church had a special children’s program that included a woman who was a ventriloquist. She gave an opportunity to respond to an invitation and I did. I prayed to repent of my sin and receive forgiveness from God. At that point, I knew I was a Christian and had a new heart. Yes, I was only 4, and there was a lot I didn’t understand. Like many Christians, there were times I didn’t always feel like one. Of course, there was a lot I didn’t understand about being a Christian. I just knew I was one–most of the time.
After receiving Christ and a new heart at the age of 4, I had many doubts as I grew older, regarding whether it took.
As I went through high school, I heard many invitations for a variety of things including inviting Christ into your life. Despite the fact that I still had doubts, I felt that I had made my decision as a young child to receive Christ. But eventually, the doubts got to be too much and I felt that in order to get rid of them, I needed to make another decision for Christ to silence the doubts. As soon as I did, during my senior year of high school, I felt certain that my childhood decision had been real.
Honestly, it concerns me that my counselors who had known me all along, didn’t question my decision at the time, or at least ask me questions about it. I was not one of the fake, goody-goody people there. Neither was I rebellious. I tended to be very sincere about my faith and exhibited enough signs of being a Christian that they should have at least asked me why I didn’t think I was one before that point. I had been in that residential Christian school for almost 3 years. I cared about other people. I exhibited many of the gifts of the Holy Spirit–considering I was an immature-ish teenager.
My flaws were looked at through a magnifying glass. The ways the Holy Spirit was working in my life was almost ignored. Those in charge of guiding me did not notice God’s work in my life, nor did they notice the fruit of His Spirit in my life. As a kid, I had no frame of reference. I think that is a very sad outworking of legalism–the inability to notice the unique work of God in your children, both physical and spiritual children.
However, my conduct was often graded lower for talking in class. This was looked on as rebellious behavior rather than what it really was–a classic symptom of ADD for girls. Of course, I learned this much later as an adult! No one stopped to think this could be anything other than a person being rebellious! That was NOT my heart at all. It was impulsive behavior. I didn’t have evil intent beyond that of the normal selfish human condition. I was trying to change.
But it was as if a magnifying class was placed on this flaw and no one could see the ways I encouraged others, the fact that I was kind to people others didn’t commonly like, that I persevered with things like piano to the point that I was able to accompany often in certain settings. I also tended to be joyful at times when others might not naturally be. I tended to be a joy-spreader too. But where did they focus their attention? I talked too much in class. It was to the point where I had no idea what I did well or where I might possibly be gifted apart from being able to play the piano. And that didn’t seem to me to be a “spiritual gift.” It took many years for me to learn what my spiritual gift was–well after Bible College! But that is a story for another day.
So when I gave my testimony and said I had received Christ, the faculty members patted me on the back and were so happy for me. To many of them, it now explained why I was so talkative in class. Over time, I found it discouraging. Of course, this was late in my senior year of high school.
Even that experience in high school taught me a lot. It also prepared me for experiences I would face in the future as I mentored people, God gifted me with the gift of encouragement. Yes, I reinforce what it means to be a true Christian, but I also encourage a person when I see them exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit in their life.
Do I realize this is a hard tightrope for leaders to walk? Yes, of course. But there was plenty of fruit in my life to show I was following after God in a genuine way. It has been a challenge to me over time to pay attention to people who have been following the Lord, involved in Church and spiritual activities and seem to show much of the fruit of the Spirit as stated below.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
I totally understand that there are people who are fake and behave one way around teachers and church leaders and another way around their peers. There were plenty of them in my class. Some were leaders. It was hard seeing them being trusted and awarded when I knew how fake they were–and so did many others. It was rarely discussed. I hardly ever talked it over with others. I didn’t want to gossip. But at later reunions, it came up often.
I found it helpful for my growth. It was hard to see people admired who I knew were fake. But in the end, it helped me when years later, I was in a leadership position. I was able to be open with people and honest. By then, I had seen vulnerability and honesty modeled well. It helped me see it in the man who became my husband and in many others who became friends and mentors. I realized a genuinely honest life speaks volumes and follows Jesus’ example more clearly than any fake behavior.
Will I ever get Christian of the Year Award? No. It has never been my goal. Seeing Jesus in person? That will be wonderful!
No, I’ll never get a Christian of the Year award. I’m really not looking for it. I just want to get to heaven and look into Jesus’ face. It’s His opinion I want. He is the One who knows how truly sinful I naturally am. He knows how deep He had to go to rescue me from my sin. I’m naturally a mess. But He paid the price for all my sin, past, present and future. Now I can stand before Him dressed and clean in the righteousness of Christ. I’m very thankful. He offers no recriminations. He doesn’t look at me with disappointment or disgust when I don’t measure up. He just loves me and says, “It has all been forgiven at the cross. Welcome to the family, Martha.” Then He gives me a big hug,
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses,
and from all your idols I will cleanse you.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.
And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.Ezekiel 36:25-27 ESV
