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alone

photo: public domain

April 22, 2015 was an unforgettable day! That was when my husband had his first stroke. He was in the hospital a couple of days, but in rehab a few weeks! When I brought him home, he was very different from the person I took to the hospital. He didn’t limp or in any way look like he had had a stroke. He still doesn’t. But he is a different person now. Our lives together have changed considerably.

For a long time, I tried to put a happy face on what had happened. Yes, it could have been much worse. I was grateful. But the way our marriage and family functioned had completely changed! I still haven’t recovered.

After the first year, a deep sense of depression unlike anything I have ever experienced settled over me. I had suffered a huge loss. So had he, but it took him much longer to be aware of his losses.

I felt like I couldn’t go on anymore. I had to learn how to do the family finances and I wasn’t catching onto it very well. The things I needed to do to help Ron, had gotten to be more than I could manage. Part of the reason was that he wasn’t interested in cooperating with much of what needed to be done!

On top of that, I was gaining weight like there was no tomorrow. I had never gotten into such an unhealthy lifestyle in my life! I was disgusted with myself.

I felt very alone and in the dark. At times, I felt that the darkness was never going to end. At others, I just felt overwhelmed by the darkness like waves that threatened to drown me.

Have you ever felt that way?

We often have lies playing over in our heads. We need to consciously play the truth back to those lies. Click To Tweet

Maybe it was because of your own illness or personal circumstances. Maybe it was due to the circumstances of a family member or grief that you are going through. I’m sure you can identify with those feelings of grief, sadness, depression or a combination of the three.

Truth is our light in a very dark place. We need to fill our minds with it and use it to speak to the lies that tend to flood our minds when we are scared and overwhelmed.

One thing that helps us is truth. So much of what we are hearing when darkness takes over us, is not truth. Things like: You are all alone; This is too much for you; You don’t deserve this; and on and on those false words come. Is there a kernel of truth there? Yes, often there is. But half truths are still lies.

We have to feed our minds with the truth. As you know, when you start feeding your physical body with healthy food, it takes awhile for it to have its full effect. The same goes for when you feed your soul with truth. The changes don’t happen overnight. But as one who is in Christ, the changes will happen.

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
    and they shall call his name Immanuel”
(which means, God with us).

Matthew 1:23

Remembering that GOD is with us in the person of Jesus, Immanuel is truly comforting!

These words of truth can bring light to our darkness just as they did to the shepherds! In times of darkness, it is easy to forget that I am His daughter if I am in Christ. In the dark, I can’t see anything around me. I can’t see who is near me. It’s too dark.

I listen to the voices in my head that tell me: “You are alone. It is all up to you to solve this problem. No one is going to help you.” Or the other voice that says, “This bleak situation that you are looking at is never going to end. Nothing will change. It will always stay the same. You are stuck in this hopeless situation.” That is not true either. It will end. I just don’t know when it will end…or how.

Truth is our light in a very dark place. We need to fill our minds with it and use it to speak to the lies that tend to flood our minds when we are scared and overwhelmed. Click To Tweet

This is the truth:

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
 He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.

 Isaiah 40:28-31

Many things change over time. We become strengthened as we wait on the Lord. He provides for our needs, all kinds of needs. Ron’s situation doesn’t stay the same. There are changes in him too. Each day is different.

Along with filling my mind with truth, is asking for help from GOD in prayer.

I don’t need to use flowery words. I just need to come to Him as a child with my needs. He will do the translation work that is needed.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
For we do not know what to pray for as we ought,
but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit,
because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:26-28

Learning to ask for help from people around us is another step in the direction of wisdom.

And in the meantime, I had to accept offers of help. I wasn’t doing it. I wasn’t conscious of trying to be brave or strong. It was just a bad habit I have developed over the years. I don’t know how to accept help appropriately. I tend to feel that if I’m not flat on my back, I shouldn’t accept help. It is crazy. Especially when I am feeling so incapacitated by depression and sadness.

GOD was answering my prayers in the form of people offering to help me and I was denying that help more often than not. Then I wondered why I was tired or depressed or feeling lonely? Duh! I needed to learn to accept help offered to me.

There is more to say on this topic for sure. We also need to take care of our bodies and our souls…but that is a story for another day.

What one step will you take today toward filling your mind with truth? or making a simple action plan to ask GOD for the help you need? Maybe even understanding what lies you are telling yourself and finding GOD’s truth for you to speak back to them?

Share some of these in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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