photo: canva.com
Recently, I was challenged to think of a time when I felt other than the people around me. It wasn’t difficult. That has been a common experience for me throughout most of my life! I have usually felt like the odd man out. The weird one. The one who didn’t fit.
Recently, I was challenged to think of a time when I felt other than the people around me. It wasn't difficult. That has been a common experience for me throughout most of my life! Share on XIt didn’t help that I often was surrounded by people who were only too eager to point out to me the fact that I didn’t fit for one reason or another. It didn’t help that I skipped a grade and was small for my age, slow to develop and was a year younger than my peers. Those facts just combined to make me that much odder.
My parents were concerned for me that I was being bullied (the term wasn’t used then unless you were getting literally beat up) but that is what was happening, in junior high school in the small christian school I attended. (My dad was principal.) I was coming home in tears for quite a few days in a row for awhile.
For some reason, they seemed to think the solution to the problem would be to send me to a boarding school in North Carolina. (We lived in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.) stop
They seemed to know what they were doing. Maybe this was a good solution. It seemed rather drastic. But overall, I’m an optimist. Yes, I get depressed, but I’m optimistic that things will work out. So I went along with the plan for my second semester of eighth grade.
Imagine my surprise when I found not only more bullying, but other problems as well…and no break from the boarding school!
What did I find? A whole new layer of bullying! Eighth grade was much smaller at this high school. All the other eighth grade girls were grown up physically except me. They all made fun of me because of it…as if I could control the rate my hormones were kicking in!
They had asked the one boy in the school who had lived in Ft. Lauderdale, if he knew me and of course he did. As it turned out, he and his brother were MK’s who had lived with our family a short time. It was a horrible experience for them. I was his age and he and I argued all the time! As you know, it takes two to argue! Of course, he told everyone I talked too much so I had a reputation before I got there! It was awful. There was no place to get away from the trouble either. I was stuck!
That was the beginning of my feeling other than and not in a good way. There didn’t seem to be much I could do to measure up, catch up, or make up for all the lacks I had. No matter what happened, I was the laughing stock of many of the students…especially the girls in my grade.
There is a reason I have had a heart for those who are the lonely and left out. I was often that person.
This question was posed at a recent retreat I attended…by an African American woman speaking to a room full of caucasian women. She was telling us her story that also included the fact that she was Aftrican American and other than in some respects. It isn’t just in ways we can see, but in ways we can’t see. As she spoke, I began to have more insight on this issue as I compared it to my other than experiences. They are different, but they are similar too.
There is a reason I have had a heart for those who are the lonely and left out. I was often that person. Share on XThere is no question that slavery is an awful darkness on our history. But one thing almost all of us have in common is that feeling of being other than. We don’t like feeling that way. Sometimes it is based on fact. The other people truly think less of you because of…(you name it). Sometimes it is within you. You feel less than, but it is in your head. It doesn’t make the feeling any less powerful, but knowing how to find our value in who we are in Christ helps as well as not getting into the habit of comparing ourselves with others.
How can we encourage those around us who feel uncomfortable because they feel different or don’t fit in for one reason or another. Find ways to show that we love them that they can receive.
Let love be genuine.
Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.
Love one another with brotherly affection.
Outdo one another in showing honor.
Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.Romans 12:9-13
Of course, there is more to this story. I’ll add more soon. Meanwhile, join me at Five Minute Friday with my friends who write there.
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A timely topic –
#1 children’s cruelty seems more pronounced – perhaps as our culture turns its back on Christ, we see bitter fruit in young people who are not taught to love and care for others.
#2 in American culture – we are more of a melting pot than when I grew up in the 40’s and 50’s. And again, “church” is not what so many do – everybody seems content to go their own way . . .
#3 waking up one morning and seeing how OLD I’ve become . . . well that has exacerbated insecure feelings of being left out — yes – these feelings are long-time acquaintances who have messed with my mind and heart for seven decades.
When Christ introduced Himself to me, through Bible Study Fellowship, and sound preaching – and other Christians – and taking communion for the first time understanding His gift – well, He cages those feelings. They aren’t gone – but He has leashed them – And now I have a choice; to whom will I listen? And to whom will I speak, offering the love and grace and wisdom HE offered me?
I have come to believe people need the Lord no matter how the culture screams NO WE DON’T.
Your wonderful blog goads me to do better!
1.i hear more about bullying now and it takes different forms than it did in our day Barb, but because it was done when adults were rarely around (and would never have been tolerated then, i’m not sure it was that much less mean). i do find that parents tend to give into it more instead of trying to help interpret it with and for their kids. i think it would have been helpful for me back then. ie. this is very temporary. giving me coping skills in relating to these kids. instead, i was sent away from home where i had no one to talk to that knew me from the time i grew up. i vowed not to do that with my kids. i hope i did a better job than happened with me. i think i did.
2.we definitely are in a post christian culture with very few pockets in the US that aren’t. i recently attended a seminar that helped me in that regard…as far as how we relate to people outside the church (they are less likely to come to our churches or church events to hear the gospel).
3. i think old age really brings all those insecurities back doesn’t it barb? we start to be invisible in groups. people walk past us to welcome the young family nearby. it’s not easy.
your antidote is so absolutely true!! realizing how much we need Jesus…more than we realize. we need GOD’s Word, we need to hear the preaching of it and taking communion and worshiping with His people no matter how broken all of us are. i think you have written another blog post haven’t you:) thanks for stopping by!
how beautiful the ugly memories become when He washes them with grace and time. hoping that your own parenting and “friending” has been flavored with the knowledge that awful time gave you.
there is a lot of truth in what you say jenni. GOD heals…once we realize what was happening and stop trying to pretend it didn’t…and that it wasn’t really all THAT painful! and the tender kindness of friends and loved ones also help heal wounds we didn’t always realize were there. of course, with the healing comes a tenderness to those who are going through the same pain.
I pray that my eyes, ears and heart are open to seeing and hearing the others around me. To God, there are no others.
for sure tara. when we have been hurt, we can be sensitive to others but at other times, it is easy to think, “oh, i survived, you will too. you just need to buck up!” learning to be sensitive to those who are hurting and be gracious and merciful in ways that Jesus was…that is the key. He didn’t brush away people who are outsiders…in fact, they seemed to be drawn to Him.
I’m sorry you experienced so much bullying when you were growing up, Martha. I also relate to the feeling of being different from everyone else but I agree, it does develop compassion for others in similar situations.
i think it was especially bad during that year or two. for some reason, i tended to minimize the difficulty of that time for years. later, after being a parent with children of that age, i realized how bad it was…and how awful i would have hated one of my kids to be going through that alone!