photo: canva
graphic: Martha G. Brady
I will follow you in sickness and health…
but a stroke hits…after almost 47 years of marriage!
you need to take over areas you haven’t before
areas he doesn’t want to surrender.
you are seen as a policeman or a nag.
ouch!
how do you respect a person you love,
yet keep them safe?
that is a practical concern for now.
i tend to overdo the safety concerns.
i need to allow him the opportunity
to fail so he will feel respected by me.
it seems that is better than my protecting him
from making mistakes that could be embarrassing to him
but cause him to feel disrespected by me! stop
yes, i feel like i’m walking on a tightrope.
i’m not alone. there are many others like me.
we are at a new stage of learning flexibility…
and experiencing GOD’s grace at new levels.
when you look at your senior friends or parents
you realize they are acrobats of sorts.
some are coping better than others
because of wonderful friends and family
who care for and pray for them.
others don’t have that.
they may need you in their lives.
But he said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
II Corinthians 12:9a
What about you? Where are you learning to be flexible?
To lean into GOD’s grace in new ways?
To enjoy GOD’s grace in times of weakness…for you or your loved one.
Hits home with me as my husband was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s at a young age of 53. We’ve been married 27 years and have really suffered very little health issues. This is a new place of trust, surrender, hope and relational development. =)
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the truth in your real life!
Bless you with much joy on your amazing journey with Jesus!!
Lisa
thanks for stopping by lisa:) these unexpected changes that come along are a chance for us to trust GOD and development new friendships as well as reinforce old ones. Particularly helpful can be joining groups of those who have walked your path before to learn ways to find help and support. But your trust in GOD and what He is doing as well as staying involved with Christian friends will also be invaluable!
don’t allow him to be separated from his support groups either…for the sake of both of you! that will keep his spirits up more than anything…staying involved with friends, contributing in arenas where he has been able to contribute…with a few tweaks here and there. don’t allow embarrassment from various symptoms to hold either of you back from being socially involved…particularly at church. if your church isn’t well equipped for his handicaps, take frankly to your elders/deacons re the disabilities and see what can be worked out. Joni and friends has quite a bit of helpful material for them if they don’t know what to do or where to go for help.
keep your pastor/church leaders up to date/aware of what you need to be able to continue to participate in worship and activity in your church. it is not always easy being a squeaky wheel, but that is sometimes what we are called to be. we don’t need to be nasty about it, but talking to the appropriate people is more helpful than just speaking generally to anyone and everyone…especially if you are more inclined to complain…and i don’t know if that is your situation or not. i just know that when we get frustrated/sad/gloomy, our discourse can become negative quickly.
I’m learning to lean upon the Lord’s grace in my living situation. My husband and I live with my Mom with our two very small children and with my sister and her husband. We love living with my Mom, but space is tight! We have been waiting on the Lord for my Mom’s home to sell (she has had it for sale for some time, now). I have been finding my “grace in small places :-)” (especially with most of my things in storage).Recently, my husband and I also “lost” our second car, and this has made things even a little more difficult! But His grace is sufficient, and I have been learning to let go of my own plans for His plan and perfect timing. I’m glad that you were my neighbor over at #InspiremeMondays. 🙂 The Lord bless you!
thanks rebekah:) glad you stopped by! i find the times of waiting…especially in tight spaces, can be especially stressful, but His grace is sufficient even then! in the meantime, you will learn to manage money, space, time, patience and who knows what else:) blessings girl! i will be prayer for you.
Yes, probably he’d rather have dignity than safety …
I understand a little bit because my husband has been disabled with bipolar disorder since 1999. I have had to do a lot of his jobs while still building him up as the head of our home. It can be tough … Thank the Lord we have Him to lean on during all these “new normals.”
welcome jerralea. yes,i realize he would prefer dignity over safety. i’d like to have a balance but i realize to him right now, safety isn’t needed. i’m also probably over reacting in terms of safety so i just need to realize that…easier said than done.
i’m working on it.and trying to “chill” more and relax a bit in terms of safety concerns. consciously giving him opportunities to live on the wild side. the more he develops from his stroke the better he does.
I am learning to be flexible with my now. I find that sometimes I just want to take the reigns from everyone around me because it is causing me frustration. I am thankful for God’s grace because of His grace I am able offer grace to others. It is a gift to know Him. Thanks for sharing your story.
thanks for stopping by latonya:) yes, it takes GOD’s grace for both sides of the relationship for sure! there are plenty of days Ron is needing grace to deal with me as well! from his perspective, i’m being way too heavy handed and bossy. ugh!
It is so hard when the roles change. My sister and I are legal guardians for our mom. I am so thankful for Gods grace.
hi tara:) fortunately, our roles don’t have to change across the board. i am just being challenged to be aware of his short term memory issues and the areas they affect him. it means i have to stop and think before i relate. but it’s true. it does take GOD’s grace.
I will pray for you to serve while respecting your husband’s dignity. What a painfully dreadful and lovely gift God has given you.
Me, I’m learning to let go of being alone. That’s hard.
Thanks so much for visiting me at http://lovedasif.com.
thanks for stopping by drusilla:) thanks for your prayers.