As a child, sharing was something I hated.
My sister was born on my first birthday.
So even my birthday was shared.
We always shared a room.
We tended to disagree over most preferences
So someone usually had to compromise.
It seemed that sharing tended to be one-way from my perspective.
I don’t think it was true.
That’s just how it felt.
Older children are supposed to be understanding of younger ones
And give in…share.
As a mom, I shared.
There came a point when the sharing became overwhelming.
I never thought of myself as particularly self-less
But the moving and giving and working and taking care of…
Well, it got to me and I found myself in chronic pain. stop
I wouldn’t have considered myself to be depressed,
But too many years of sharing from childhood
And not enough years of filling and being enriched,
Caught up with me.
Counseling helped immensely.
I stopped making excuses for the people who had been draining me.
I stopped making excuses for not speaking up for myself when I had the chances.
I stopped avoiding conflict for fake peace.
I stopped trying to make everybody happy except for me.
I’ve done much better since then.
I am having to tweak my life now after yet another move.
But I’m gradually making adjustments to a new community & lifestyle.
Learning to share life now means helping others as well as allowing them to help me.
It’s much easier to do the former.
Expressing my neediness to others is difficult…really difficult.
I have spent too many years trying to appear competent.
Trying not to be a burden or a drain on others.
It isn’t easy to ask for help.
But that is what I need to do to build bridges to the people around me.
May GOD help me to be honest, genuine and truthful
As well as not whiny or manipulative.
As I learn to express my neediness
To both the people nearby and the Lord!