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Photo by Cristina Lavaggi on Unsplash

Are you anything like me in this respect?  You hate to wait!  I don’t like to wait in lines, traffic jams, the outcome of a story, and most of all, the outcome of potentially scary things that are happening to me and mine.  I have learned to do it patiently and pleasantly, but I don’t like it!

I haven’t had many of these waiting rooms in my life.  Once, I didn’t have the luxury of a waiting room.  I just got the phone call, “Your dad (age 54) died of a heart attack about an hour ago.”  There was no waiting for that one.  One minute, he was as alive and healthy as anyone could have dreamed.  The next, gone…without enough awareness that he was seriously ill to call his secretary in the next room to get help!

But to say it again, I hate the waiting rooms.  They are no fun.  I hated having to wait 9 long months to know the sex of each of our children, much less to actually see them!  We didn’t have the luxury of ultrasounds back then.  At least I could have known the sex.  I would have loved that!  But I digress.

Recent waiting room?  About a month!

I’ve been in a waiting room now for almost a month!  It took nearly that long for all the doctors to sort out which kind of doctor I need to see…and then to get an appointment.  After much consulting together, the decision was made that i needed to start with the breast doctor, then go to the neurologist to check out the VNS (an implant the size of a pacemaker that helps control seizures), then go from there.

It all started around Christmas when I was having some lumpiness and soreness near the implant and the lymph nodes nearby.  An ultrasound was ordered and my understanding was that they found what they planned to, which was nothing serious in addition to inflammation around the implant.  After weeks of trying to get the appointments lined up, it seems that there is some question re the area around the implant…if there is something else there or not.

Fortunately, I’ll get to find out this Friday.  I’ll go to the breast specialist and get his opinion as far as what needs to be done from his perspective.  Then, next week I’ll get to check in with a local neurologist.  After those two have seen me, I’ll have some idea what will be happening next.

Questions, questions…just keep swirling in my head.

The questions are swirling in my head…and there is no one who can answer a single one!  At least not now.  If they need to remove the implant (called a Vagus Nerve Stimulator) it has the possibility of affecting my lifestyle.  I don’t think it will, but it does have this potential.  No one can answer me whether it will…only what the chances are that it will.

If I have an unrelated lump in my breast, no one can tell me if it is malignant now.  Only that will be known after surgery, if needed.  That will be even longer than this week!  So, the questions will have to flit around in my head…or I will have to drown them out!  I will have to tell them to shut up for now because there is no answer…NOW!

The other thing I must do is to remember who I am.  I am a daughter of the King.  His promise is that whatever He brings into my life is for my good.  It is ultimately for my prosperity and success even if at this time it might feel painful!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me,
and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,
“and will bring you back from captivity.
I will gather you from all the nations and places
where I have banished you,”
declares the Lord, “and will bring you back
to the place from which I carried you into exile.”  

Jeremiah 29:11-14 ESV

His grace is present in the good times and in the gritty times.  Meanwhile, I wait…not always patiently, but I don’t really have a choice.  I HAVE to wait!  So I do…by the grace of God.

**PS. Everything worked out fine. No surgery needed. (This happened in February 2014.)