photo: © Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com
I knew I was the only one
I couldn’t tell a soul
I knew I was the worst mother in the universe
I had a dark secret that plagued me…
I yelled at my children with a rage that came from deep inside!
What could I do?
Over time, I read, I listened, I prayed.
I met more moms at different stages of life
Many admitted problems they had when they raised their children.
I heard solutions. I lived more of life.
I talked with my pastor husband…of course!
Are you “in Christ“? Yes, I knew I was.
But many days I didn’t act like it.
As a woman who is “in Christ”
I am not a victim of my past.
I am not a victim of circumstances.
I AM NOT A VICTIM.
I am not an orphan, but a daughter of the King!
An adopted daughter of the King.
I have access to the Father by prayer.
I have access to others in the Kingdom for help.
I am surrounded by a Church Body.
I can be bold and honest with GOD and others.
I can have courage to love these children GOD has given me…
Even when they push my final EXPLODE button!
I can apologize and give them the grace GOD gave me
I can courageously keep on when my body wants to stop
Or when my throbbing head tells me, “You deserve a break”.
That might even be true!
I can develop new skills of communication with my husband,
New job redistribution with my husband and children,
I can learn to pause before reacting,
Listen to my husband as he tries to help me.
He knows me well. He sees things others don’t.
Learning to forgive my “yeller” parent was also powerful!
Most of all, learn to lean more on Jesus
to do a job that is way beyond my skill-set!
He planned it that way.
I need to be aware of how much I need Him to do this job.
Loving, training and raising my children will teach me wisdom.
It will teach me to know and love GOD too.
I will also see GOD change me as He works this out in me:
Turning me from an angry woman to one who is kind and tenderhearted from the inside out.
One who is able to forgive…and admit her need to be forgiven.
It will take my lifetime…walking with Jesus as He works His salvation out in me, by His grace.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander
be put away from you, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
This is a GREAT series. Man I wish I had this kind of personal info back in the day. Some days I felt like there was simply NO way I would ever get the yelling and frustration under control. But He does crazy things with and for His children, huh? I mean, this LOUD Brooklyn girl needed some serious hand over the mouth moments. I am gladly sharing this with a group I belong to that has several young moms :).
glad you are finding it helpful donna. i keep wishing i could give it in nice easy steps, but i think so much of our growth just doesn’t work that way. for some, that is very discouraging news. actually, it can be quite encouraging. it means that in the middle of the mess, GOD loves me. When i keep failing, GOD loves me. when i don’t feel like obeying, GOD loves me. it takes a lot of pressure off in some ways. i don’t have to impress GOD. He knows me well…better than i know myself. he knows the depth of my sin more than i can even dare to look! He has forgiven all of it…and none of it takes HIm by surprise. that is so beyond anything I grew up thinking as to be unimaginable!
ps. i love that expression Donna:) hand over the mouth moments? 🙂
Thank you for this post. At one time I was this mom, in Christ but not acting like Christ when it came to parenting. It was a long road leaning,resting In God to pause before reacting. Home life has been blessed with God’s grace once I intentionally looked to God to overcome yelling. In Him all things are possible.
i think we can encourage our young moms to realize this is a common problem and there is hope to resolve it but rarely is it a simple solution that has a nice neat formula. life is a marathon not a sprint. most of our christian growth takes endurance and perseverance too. it isn’t instant. some people find that discouraging. the truth is there is hope in that.
Amen. What a source of strength we have in Christ!
so true:) thanks for stopping by holly:)